Birth - a time to celebrate.
Attending school in a Catholic Community has come to show that some people view death as a celebration as such.
A grade 9 boy from my school, born in 2001 - that made him 15 years old - was killed in a motor bike accident last week.
2 weeks ago my grandfather had one of many strokes and recently got discharged from hospital as he was making an incredible recovery in rehab and his speaking finally excelled.
Today I visited my grandparents with my brother, his girlfriend and my dad. As my grandfather was still unable to walk very far at all and his brain was completely jumbled and unable to successfully recall certain information, he sat back in his recliner and observed my brother.
So, there I was. Across the room, observing my grandfather who observed my brother. A 22 year old and an 80 year old man in the presence of one another. I could see my grandfather's eyes trail from my brother's feet up to his face. Understanding his facial expressions and then sinfully sitting back into his rest position as if he had been scorned.
I could feel him. He was utterly and painfully as sad as I was.
I ponder on the thoughts if he sat back silently because he was upset. Maybe he reflected on my brother and wished to be young again. The frustration from not being able to walk or help. The most dissatisfying feeling to touch base with - having no control over his life.
We were never extremely close for reasons I wish to know of. Though in my heart, I know him and I are more a like than anyone I've ever spoken to above the age of 25. He's tough and certainly the older, more serious version of my own father.
Do people sense when they're dying?
It sounds crazy to ask a question that seems so nieve. How could someone possibly know they're about to die?
Well, you see.. A few days before my sister's dad passed away, he called my brother up randomly and for the first time in years, he asked how he was doing and asked if everything was okay.
My mother told me that the night before my grandmother passed away 'in her sleep', her best friend who lived next door knew to check up on her the next day because she knew 'something was up'.
I know this may be completely irrelevant, but it is a proven fact that cats hide away before they die because they know when their time has come to an end.
Discovery Viewers, How can we look at death as a celebration? Knowing you're only inches from dying, or potentially dying and being completely helpless is not a celebration. Obviously under circumstance death is completely unexpected.
But!-
When I look into my grandfathers eyes, I see fear. A fear of life ending. It chokes me utterly to be consumed by the thought of death. If anything in my life comes hard for me, it would be saying good-bye. It is an expression I can't fathom.
When my grandfather passes, I want to remind myself that despite what everyone says, I know to stay to true to this post. Derek is a strong man. My grandmother was not weak but she was unable to continue feeling the way she was. Unfortunately for Randall, the alcohol was his ease from depression and eventually the alcohol became the reason he could no longer wake up one morning and tell his daughter, my little sister, that he loves her.
Another scattered post. I'm so fucking sorry.
I am seeking help though. How can death be a real outcome? It hurts so much. Teeth clenching, lip biting, eye ball popping, hair ripping kind of pain. One day you feel the bitter, the cold, the happiness and the fear and one day - darkness. Never waking up. I'm afraid for my grandfather. He doesn't want to see the darkness either. I can see the life burn within his eyes.
As I begin my life, his slowly fades away..
I wonder if the saying, "When a door closes another window opens" is a relevant quote.
The only thing I am certain of is that no matter who passes through your life, keep them as a reminder of what you wish to achieve and make each life style either a goal or a lesson..
Rest in Peace JB ~ 2001-2016
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