Broken body, Broken me

I am exhaustingly depressed today.

As I fell asleep last night, a sigh submerged amongst my pain.

I have an acute angled tail bone. One that I am so regretful for.

I have never felt so useless, so diminished. I feel like nothing.

No matter the size of my heart, the length I stretch my arms, it is me who ended up broken and bruised. Not just physically; but my self-worth has now fallen from 2 to none.

No respect; no justice.

The court case at the moment is currently on my birthday. There is a huge possibility it to be adjourned YET AGAIN.

Another, deep sigh of overwhelming emotion escapes me.

There I was last night with a girl I admire with an extraordinary vibe. A quiet soul, like mine, maybe damaged goods, still fine.

Like Ancient Jewelry.

Something happened. Maybe it was the level I had put myself on but I am certainly one for vibes and intuition.

Something dark came over that room. I had to escape. The worst part is, my friend came just in time. Coincidence? Maybe. Though I have realised over the times that coincidences usually find a way to protect me in mysterious ways.

Like God.

Coincidence?

No.

Everything happens for a reason, like the camping trip I bailed on last weekend. I discovered my friends suffered from Flakka. A  drug now accessible in any form in the clubs that I live above. Putting someone who graduated from my school in a coma.

With my mind frame and my drug consumption abilities, I would have died that night.

A 25 year old woman, throwing herself into the fire. The guardian of my friends. My friends were at risk, stranded on an island.

A drug is a drug. Anyone can handle them. It's the quantity that will destroy you.

My birthday is tomorrow. I'm not going to lie, it doesn't feel like a celebration. More like a reminder. A reminder of who is here, and who didn't make it. Who didn't want to, and who couldn't.

I am afraid of the day to come around.

To see my father for the first time since we had an enormous argument. Though it's my friends I am afraid of him to see. Blazing eyes, burning cruelly.

My stomach hurts.

Either hunger or a swelling pain from my abdomen.

I must go bloggers, I am falling asleep again and my emotions + physical discomfort is not going very well!

Until next time my loves