Complexity

It's as though reading my old thoughts and emotional battles reflects that I am in fact, intwined.

A fish, tail-less in a fishing net.

Over the duration of my life I have become my own, living, roller-coaster. Drastically changing speeds and heights for short, but what seems like a long time.

There was a mammoth amount of hope, treasured in the centre of my body. An aura of empowerment. A sadness with backbone and a blessing with appreciation.

As I sit on this extremely uncomfortable plastic chair in the school library, I realise that I have never felt so unaware of my surroundings, ever.

I'm not sure if my complex brain is overly tired and emotionally exhausted or if I am in floating in my nightmares.

I stare at these old books, with dusted pages and illiterate errors. A world map plastered in front of my face on a brick wall I remember being built but 3 years ago.

In the past 17 years, the environments around me have evolved; changed into something new. Like Apes to humans.

It has taken many months for me to finally see the true verdict of a depressed feeling. No motivation.

One that I can't bare to contain.

It's as though no matter how hard I want something, and no matter how hard I try, it's getting nowhere.

It literally feels as though I am being chained down. Allegedly, this would explain waking up in aches most days and restless nights.

Hmm, Sam's court is one week today.

One week till I am forcing myself to see the man who ended it all.

The legal system requested I write a victims report on what he had done to me.

How can I write something that complex? I am not capable of that kind of free-lance. Personal, free-lance.

I'm afraid that if I were to truly explain what I were to be thinking and feeling, previously, presently and afterwards about Sam Harrison, I would murder you all with my vocabulary.

Maybe this will be a situation that I genuinely can't deal with on my own. I mean, I am one to suffer in silence. Unless you awaken the Minotaur that is bewildered beneath my chest.

I am nothing but a devil in disguise myself, aren't I?

Or an angel in trouble.

Dear God, please take care of me, those I am surrounded by and let those who are blind see clearly.

Clarification is nothing but the greatest.