Love - For my children

Oh God,
I have re-written this post over a couple dozen times.

For the first time on this blog, I am to take you into another department of my life. One I try to avoid because I wish to see it as an area that does not effect the development of your well-being and personality.

I suppose this will be relevant for my future children who I am sure will stumble across my thoughts.

Yes, it's men.

From the moment we are born, men and women are co-workers in the job titled: LIFE

We don't get many lessons before we begin, which is why us as humans make so many stupid mistakes before we are redeemed and well, 'wise'.

Men and women, are we made to find each other? Is the lesson in life to fall in love and share with your partner? Or to discover the true key to happiness is eternal lonesome?

Being a teenager, I already foresee the future for love and generations to come and the generations before me. Marriage was a symbol of eternal love. With the divorce rates increasing frantically, I'd say my chances of a successful relationship are about a 0 to none.

For my children;

When I was younger I had this deep attachment to boys. I don't mean seventeen years old, I mean six or seven. The thought of being married and having someone look at me the way boys do on television had me inspired like all those other foolish love-seekers.

By ninth grade I figured this was an ambition I picked up from my mother. Three husbands, four engagements and who knows how many boyfriends.

Being alone just wasn't something I knew. My mother was never alone and I remember it all.

Growing up, here I am now. I had my first heart break and I have felt it all between suffocating into the pillow sheets or grasping for breath when my friends have tried to calm me down. To staring at the dark walls with heavy, dry eyes and just wishing if things could have been different.

Hell, I am seventeen years old and I am already saying I Loved someone. Even today, I see people. I kiss boys who tell me they have good intentions, and give my thoughts out to those who do not understand. I play it by the book until sometimes, I get carried away. This is because at the end of the day, we all just want to be loved. Someone to be infatuated by your smile or the way your mind works.

We want that person you can have to yourself, to fall asleep next to and to share your emotional turmoil with. There is something magnetic about finding someone you like.

But my babies,

You could be six, seventeen or fifty five. You always have to put yourself first even when you wan't to be selfless.

God, I know the urge to see someone so desperately. Listening to songs and your mind going wild. The toxic parts of the relationship turning you satanic and you revel in the thought because it's so passionate.

Love and admiration consume you from head to toe. You are no longer able to speak rationally because everything is amplified.

If you've ever taken MDMA, that is what passion feels like. What an irrelevant metaphor, right?

It's the way the drug captures you. Firstly you receive a cyclone of a head spin, followed by maybe a sensation of being tipsy. Like a relationship at first, you can't quite keep up with what's happening, all you know is that it's about to kickstart.

Then there is this feeling in the pit of your stomach. Kind of like ocean waves and spiders tickling your insides. It's an exciting stage for you.

Then all of a sudden, you either can't handle it, or your body is filled with energy and urges to keep going on with life.

I've met boys with many different intentions. Ones I knew I would never like, Ones I fell for without even realising it.

At the end of the day, Love is love. You either let it consume you, or you avoid it.