I've wanted to write this blog for a while thinking it would be easy. Yet here we are and I'm almost thoughtless but again, swarmed with moments I wish to be reminded of.
Isn't it fucking insane how we can just destroy those we love and not think twice about it?
Isn't it toxic what we do in the name of "love" or "it's over"?
Isn't it mind baffling how we can allow someone to alter who we are completely and feel so lost when they leave?
Sometimes I forget the capabilities that I have. The words my finger tips can create, can build, can provide for.
The support surrounding me, the strength within me and the love that I am yet to give and yet to receive.
Like a deer darting from it's prey, or a wolf digging in to the rabbits remains; I am to be in power.
I am to speak my voice once again.
I loved them and despite the dark, the demonic, the satanic words spoken of I; I'll hold onto what we had at the start.
I don't want to think that the one I loved is the person that they are today. My insides jerk. Like a concoction of everything bad; everything unwanted in this world is inside of me.
When I think of you now; I feel you birthed this hate again within I that I had just departed from.
I don't want to think of that anymore. My skin crawls with shark bites imbedded in my insides.
So I'll think of the beginning. When it hurt less.
I like to think when we have to let something or someone go that meant so much to us for better or for worse; that you have one more lesson learnt and now another opportunity for a second chance with yourself.
Time to really focus on what makes me happy. Find some genuine people who I can rely on again.
Because baby girl, You can't blame yourself for his actions.
You can't change someone.
You can't control what or how someones does and feels.
But...
You can change you for the better.
I will miss the touch, the pressure, the warmth or just what felt like a safety net; a home to go to. Wherever they were, was home enough for me. Constantly being without one.
You can't allow anyone to treat you like that!
No matter how you fucking feel.
Don't be weak and don't show you're emotions because they will use it against you.
Remember how much stronger you are than they will ever be. What you have done, seen, earned, will never compare to them.
Laugh.
You are so much more. All of you.
Sometimes it feels like my sheets are the coldest place in this world. Not by temperature, but by how empty they are, how empty they make you feel.
But I am reminded that you need bad days to appreciate the good ones. And toxic people will go abroad and it may hurt but it is all part of God's plan. and... it's all pushing you to the place you are really meant to be.
So I will love from afar, and build right here.
Time to move on and Welcome Samara 4.0
Isn't it fucking insane how we can just destroy those we love and not think twice about it?
Isn't it toxic what we do in the name of "love" or "it's over"?
Isn't it mind baffling how we can allow someone to alter who we are completely and feel so lost when they leave?
Sometimes I forget the capabilities that I have. The words my finger tips can create, can build, can provide for.
The support surrounding me, the strength within me and the love that I am yet to give and yet to receive.
Like a deer darting from it's prey, or a wolf digging in to the rabbits remains; I am to be in power.
I am to speak my voice once again.
I loved them and despite the dark, the demonic, the satanic words spoken of I; I'll hold onto what we had at the start.
I don't want to think that the one I loved is the person that they are today. My insides jerk. Like a concoction of everything bad; everything unwanted in this world is inside of me.
When I think of you now; I feel you birthed this hate again within I that I had just departed from.
I don't want to think of that anymore. My skin crawls with shark bites imbedded in my insides.
So I'll think of the beginning. When it hurt less.
I like to think when we have to let something or someone go that meant so much to us for better or for worse; that you have one more lesson learnt and now another opportunity for a second chance with yourself.
Time to really focus on what makes me happy. Find some genuine people who I can rely on again.
Because baby girl, You can't blame yourself for his actions.
You can't change someone.
You can't control what or how someones does and feels.
But...
You can change you for the better.
I will miss the touch, the pressure, the warmth or just what felt like a safety net; a home to go to. Wherever they were, was home enough for me. Constantly being without one.
You can't allow anyone to treat you like that!
No matter how you fucking feel.
Don't be weak and don't show you're emotions because they will use it against you.
Remember how much stronger you are than they will ever be. What you have done, seen, earned, will never compare to them.
Laugh.
You are so much more. All of you.
Sometimes it feels like my sheets are the coldest place in this world. Not by temperature, but by how empty they are, how empty they make you feel.
But I am reminded that you need bad days to appreciate the good ones. And toxic people will go abroad and it may hurt but it is all part of God's plan. and... it's all pushing you to the place you are really meant to be.
So I will love from afar, and build right here.
Time to move on and Welcome Samara 4.0
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