Being Angry Consumes Me

Okay, So I think it's time I finally do a post about anger. Well, My anger to be precise. 

Since I was a little girl I struggled with my temper and understanding why people make the decisions that they do. As time went on, and as my situation increased, I got worse. After seeing a Psychologist to help me understand why I am so angry all the time he explained it very clearly.

Being angry is a part of a mental disability that I have. I don't have it severely but it inputs a large contribution to my behaviour. I could be sitting in my room listening to music when I would lash out and this anger would dwell inside of me. My friends may do something slightly offensive or do something the way I don't like and lose any chance of sanity left inside of me.

After all this stress in recent months my "spectrum" - if you must - is completely out of whack. My brain doesn't know what things to get angry at and what things to let slip. This led to multiple sessions on assertiveness, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive

Assertiveness is being able to deal with situations and approaching them from a good angle.
Passive is letting things slip because you feel your own needs and wants aren't as valued as much as someone else.
Aggressive is obvious.. Approaching situations negatively and angrily
Then finally, Passive Aggressive. Which is letting things slip so often that you make snarky comments or sarcasm to approach your anger. This could also be by saying one thing to someone but thinking something else.

I really struggle with friendships, family and relationships because of this but as I get older there are things I learn to let go of although I still find myself enduring so much anger that it sometimes consumes me to the point of tears.

I have much anger towards certain people, such as my mum which really affects the way that I handle things with her. I may keep calm at first but because I keep quiet for so long I bubble up, boil over to the point of explosion. This sometimes leads to panic attacks and fits.

The best thing to do, I suggest is to breathe slowly and rest. I couldn't possibly suggest forgetting about it because I know it's extremely difficult, although snapping only makes the problem worse.

Also, keep in mind that what you're angry at probably is being unreasonable. 

Anger consumes me.