How ironic. My life did not change the next day, but
I did end up in hospital.
Sorry for blogging two weeks later.
With a drip pierced into my skin, and an arm with half of my internal wellbeing on the line, I was ordered in for operation to rid of the infection.
24 hours in hospital and I was STARVING.
Eventually, hours or possibly days before my surgery, I left.
"Why would you do that to yourself, Samara"
"I'm never helping you again"
"You're so god damn selfish, Samara"
It saddens me to think that the deepened reasons for my escape is completely unnoticed by my own family.
After Sam Harrison recorded me naked, I couldn't go a second without a bra being worn. I couldn't sleep with the sheets off and I couldn't shower without putting towels on every side of the shower glass.
When I overdosed and went to the Emergency room, I had one of the most sever panic attacks I have ever had because the nurses just took my shirt off, plugged monitors on my breasts and back and walked off with the curtain open.
I wouldn't even let my boyfriend, of two years (almost) touch me in certain ways.
Might I add, this boyfriend of mine, at the time seemed like my absolute everything. My anchor.
After being poked and prodded by needles, injected with antibiotics, pain killers and blood tests, I confronted the question if I were to be operated on with or without a bra.
Unfortunately, the response was not what I desired.
I thought about it for a moment. These people spent years in university and in hospitals, they have seen so many girls breasts before, besides, it's their profession.
My mind was consumed by responses. Until I finally came across a worrying statement.
A mans profession is to be a father. He's meant to care for a child. He has many years practise and he certainly is obliged to love his children endlessly.
A mother. Her profession is to support her child. To find a way to help them all survive. To be the person they want their child to grow up to be.
If my mother, If Sam Harrison can break their duty of care to their OWN children, born and raised, what stops a surgeon from something as simple as lifting a sheet up for the public to see.
What if they move me and my breasts could have fallen out. 7 Surgeons and how many University Student viewing for lessons?
I AM NOT TO BE ON DISPLAY.
Just writing about this is swelling my emotions immensely.
The thought of someone violating me when I am unable to feel or move scares the absolute desires out of me. I can't do that.
I'm sorry bloggers I can't complete this post.
Until next time
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