Change is inevitable

Ever since I was born I have become so many different people.

Growing up, constantly moving schools and continuously changing tastes, I realised that everyone else goes through these stages too. The reality of why it is that we never have the same friends for too long at a time.

I - myself, have experienced a loss with my relationship with my mother. Unfortunately, at a young age, I discovered w hat it meant to hang yourself unwillingly. The consequences of cheaters, liars, drug abuse and alcoholism. All of the above, soullessly took those I loved, with them.

When we are born we are told that we live to work. To live for happiness and a way to support your family.

As I grow older, It feels as though we, as a community, are pawns in a much larger game of chess. Check Mate!

Due to my experiences, I now believe that everything happens for a reason. Every reason we stumble upon is our lesson in life. We either learn from it, or are consumed in the misfortune and never learn from our mistakes.

Some people in this world live for their families. Some live for their boyfriends. Men and women who strive behind a desk and the enforcement of those who risk their lives every day for a job that provides minimum wage for the work they're doing.

Me..?

I'm here to inspire you.

In the past three months, I have lost many, many people. Being consumed by this unfilled feeling, I set out to find myself.

What does that even mean?

To me, it meant exploring LOVE. A love I hadn't found in anything but a capsule. Maybe even a few.
I sent myself broke, I lost track of my feelings and eventually, I lost myself.

I lost something that I was already looking for. Searching for the unknown in the darkest parts of the human brain.

For a moment, I stepped back quietly and foresaw the rocky path I was wandering down.

Year twelve is here and as I observe my plain surroundings. It's clear to see that everyone has evolved into their own person, if not still configuring themselves out. Like an elephant discovering their trunk for the first time.

Some want to travel far and wide, some want to strive with the desk jobs and I - I'm ready to write a screenplay presenting you with the truths behind what's really going on in this world.

Recently, I absolutely crashed. I had been dwelling too hard and found myself a piece of leaf in the wind. When it felt like everything had vanished into thin air, I found myself trying even harder to find something within this world that made me happy.

A high I was chasing until I realised it was all in my head.

We all change at some point - at many points. We win some and we lose some.

No matter what, I will bend over backwards for those I cherish. Those I respect and are willing to support me when I am unable to support myself. Even when the favours are not returned, I know that I have a better chance of surviving in this world. Then again, being selfish is sometimes a better alternative in certain circumstances.

The party is over, the drugs are gone. No money and returning to a path which leads me university.

Bloggers,
So many people use their circumstances as an excuse to not pick back up. But, you see, you are the circumstance. Do not let someone else's actions deter you from your complete potential.

My previous blog was called "Infinite Potential".

A blog consisting of my struggles (at the time it felt like the end of the world) and how they made me feel. This blog has so many more experiences that I have recollected.

The morning of school, my house was raided. In that moment, when I saw the police take my mother away, It felt like the end of the world. The ground collapsed beneath me.

I didn't understand any of it, but I knew that my life was about to change forever. And it did.

Ever since February last year, I have been between houses, poor and poorer, a long with very emotional. I spent many school days crying, feeling lost and eventually had to call a Homeless Shelter for help.

One day it was so bad, the feeling of being left. The feelings my mother consumed me with, gave me no chance but to call the number that people joke about in the school-yard...

Yes, Kids HELPLINE.

My cry for help.

When that didn't work, I took drastic measures so people would see, so my mother would see, how much pain she put me through when she went months with no contact, and just knowing she was with the man that broke every part of my security and purity. He stole me from me. I can't express how hard that was.

You see bloggers, I climbed out of that ditch just to fall back in it again this time round. Only to use the excuses "I am finding myself" and before "It was my mothers doing".

We all have different goals, desires and ambitions. But it's the same protocol to reach the top.

I have returned. Life is going on.

Back on track and ready for new experiences.

I just want you all to know that letting go of people of actions that bring you down, is OK. Family, partner, friend or foe.

PS
FIND SOMETHING THAT INSPIRES YOU - makes you feel vibrant inside.

For me, this was the piano. Listening to the sound my fingers could create by touching keys overwhelms me. It's peace. Creation at the finger tips.

night x