I can't help but feel overwhelmingly depressed.
My life has no direction, no meaning.
I can't find my gift, favourite colour or home.
I am a guppy, orphaned, in the world under the waves.
SO much to do, plate loads of stress and a disconnection to the real world.
A car pulled out on me while I was heading 60km/ph. My friend and I were talking while driving down a road we regularly drive through. Mid conversation, I had seen the other red mobile accelerate across my lane. My friend and I looked at each other for a split milisecond and I don't know how - but we knew what was going to happen.
It was too late.
There I sat in the drivers seat, eyes opening, trying to grasp the concept of what had happened.
The last thing I saw before we impacted was the other person's red doors, magnified, thrown and shattered over my windscreen.
The smell of smoke after the air bag plastered my face had conveyed the area.
Hyperventilating in fear begun as cries of help escaped my vocals. My friend in shock herself too, running out and abusing the elderly couple.
The guilt that ate away at her for her reaction was ever so consuming. She could not handle the thought of being responsible for harming a married elderly couple.
Bruised wrists, arms, cut waists and neck ache. Eventually we called the couple we crashed into and hoped they realised that even though it wasn't our fault, we were genuinely sorry for what we had done.
The man continued to explain his wives bipolar disorder causing her violence towards him. Not only this but he continued to explain how in pain she has been for the last 30 years of their marriage.
I sat QCS the other day.
No one believed in me. Even though as I was rapidly getting into my exams, I could sense wandering, scorning eyes. Teachers of mine that mock me for even attending school the few days that I do.
Fathers day was yesterday. Another year Heidi can't see her darling father. My heart breaks realising how lonely she must feel. An outcast on a day she has no one to be with other than her dad's brother. Her Uncle.
I finally have a formal partner. One that I was genuinely hoping for over a year ago. Unfortunately, I was not the first option and we are in fact, going with another girl too.
I don't want to stand next to another girl in my home-done make up and under paid dress. Standing next to flawless girls who will be spending over a thousand dollars on this night.
and me?
I had asked a friend to formal as I thought I had no more chances to be asked. Sadly he called me a frog and deleted me on everything..
All the shame I went through just to be asked a few weeks before.
What an event.
Anyway bloggers,
I should get back to work if I want to continue anywhere in life
xx
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