Spring Time Sadness

I am crazy right now!

I need help from someone, anyone.

I am great. Like THE Great Gatsby I was raised in a poor family, with higher hopes that my potential was good enough to escape these realms.

There is nothing ORDINARY about me. Finally coming to terms with this new, yet significant factor that makes me, me.

Fear is inevitable. What if I am forever alone?

The friends I am surrounding myself with are a blessing in disguise though nothing breaks my heart more than knowing I no longer can rely or trust anyone.

Friends becoming foes and and enemies becoming best friends.

I attended QCS testing and 3 of 6 of my exams as of yet.

I have nearly completed 14 years of schooling (including prep and repeating year 7).

Internally, an anger is boiling. My reaction to all this consuming stress.

At the end of the day I feel as if I have no one. No matter how many people you do favors for, how many time you offer support or advice and even the amount of money you spend on a person doesn't reflect the way they will treat you in return. This has been an issue I have been struggling with in the last few weeks.

Although I have been over enthusiastic at graduating, especially with my lack of efforts during attendance - I am afraid.

Like a shark in the presence of a pod of dolphins.

Seeming ferocious and untamed, but with a gentle knock I am no longer a feisty, demonic monster. But a snake, slithering for its life.

Hmm, a snake.

Maybe I am the slimy creature people avoid.

Even since I was a little girl I struggled with some of the issues I do today regarding socialising. Meaning: being with those I am unable to comprehend or relate to.

Like the theme in Gatsby, my love is not reciprocated and no matter my efforts, they will never be good enough. Leaving me potentially rich, lonely and dead by the age of 35.

So tired and alone, 24.7.

Did I forget to mention STILL poor.

TRYING and failing miserably.