Success or supression?

I reflect into the vision,
of a soul, twin like mine.
I see the present, past and the future,
every emotion of these times.

A different dream annually,
as burdens change the tides.
Every achievement dishonored,
for the occasionally committed crimes.

Politicians, newspapers and movie screenings.
Friends, foes and boys.
Always questioning judgement,
now girls drink coffee, make that milk soy.

Alphabet, art and mathematics.
I'm so lost as to what I decide.
In the last few years,
I have questioned my reasons to be alive.

Lack of self worth, cigarettes and alcohol.
Barbie dolls and baby born.
The dreams I was vulnerable to,
In my eyes, are now torn.

Potential vanishing rapidly.
I saw through her eyes, my name.
Presently placed like a pawn,
In a bigger monopoly game.

Am I open to the unknown?
Or is that an excuse to my poor ability.
Somehow I came from a small, country town.
Now in a city, with a mental disability.