Vulnerability

I feel like Sam Harrison all over again.

My body, NAKED, across a bed.

"I don't want you to see me like this"

"It's okay, I don't see anything"

Doctor says while prodding and sticking fingers in me rectum.

Why can I not stop this flood of a waterfall from my eyes?

So degraded. I need surgery. I need to be put to sleep and operated on because I chose to please someone who does nothing but damage my aura.

A demon in this light world of mine.

Agony. Pain. Shame.

I was nothing but a toy, an object - now I am nothing but broken and inverted.

I can't sit, lay and now I can no longer share myself with the ones who wish to shower me with love. I am Samara. A broken, used, toy.

Men.

All they do is use and abuse people. Their own kind and women.

"Why are you shouting at me, Samara?"

You try standing alone in a room with a man having the same intentions as Sam Harrison.

Maybe not the same, but it felt that way. An isolated room. Like a whale in an aquarium.

The pencil shavings that fall from the led.

No one understands why I feel so degraded.

Because a man took my body, took my life.

He watched my 16 year old body for a year without my permission. He took my skin and skinned me alive. He took my smile and devoured it. He took my soul and sold it to the devil.

My weight that has vanished has now caused serious health issues with my iron and everything in between.

Samara Ward is fading. She is going again.

No car, which is causing me major anxiety. Now no working spine and an ass that throbs when it sits down. How can I go to school and sit on hard chairs for 6 hours when I cringe at 3 minutes?

people will hurt you! People will take advantage of the flower that you are. Do not let them wither you. Blossom into the rose that I am sure you are.

As for me, Roses cannot be reborn.

But I will.. In another dimension.

I am going bloggers,

Ready to curl up like a puppy and go into hibernation until the next season falls upon us.