Next Stage

Realistically I am angry.

Angry that it has taken me two years to understand the intentions of the last man to support me.

Well, child.

Who I am on the outside changes as often as the seasons do.

Fiery, a far, soaked in sadness or inspired by the opportunities life provides me.

One day I couldn't see clearly. The tunnel that I was supposed to journey through became distant. Like Aladdin's carpet, both myself and everything I had ever believed in; flew away.

I now touch a hand worth holding. A hand that physically and now financially protected me in some way.

Eyes that look only at mine.

Legs that run for me.

I have seen people with mostly good attire, knowledge and understanding, physically aesthetic attributes or a creative mind similiar to my own.

Unfortunately the way people look,where their heart wishes to be and how they absorb and retrieve affection is no longer how to determine whether or not two people are right for each other.

As I grow older I can significantly see how imperative it is to have a healthy bank account.

Relationships really do rely on financial support.

It's taken me nearly two years out of home to see that money has a hold of everything. The worlds true dominator.

Not only this but the confusion I face every day between what to do, kills me.

Typically, one part of me wants nothing more than to be alone. Part of me resents the human race. I went so many months all alone. So many moments where I suffocated in the distress of my own presence just to be overly wanted by a single soul?

Who was there when I was truly drowning?

Drowning in a sea of mythological creatures. Like Nessie introducing himself to me for the first time.

I am now stuck though. Tragically.

As I move onto the next stage in my life; I reached a pure epiphany. I wanted to stop the partying, find a full time job and ever since I have been experiencing unwelcome, unsettling feelings.

Ones that make me feel distant and out of place where I then flash to unseen feelings towards the future. As if I can feel my future home.

I am freshly 18 and seeing someone slightly behind me mentally.

I love what ever it is I am so foolishly doing now. Though what if in six months we are battling battles I had already fought with someone else a few years ago.

To be me, or to be us?

A city of lights and that glowing potential that I had convinced myself I lost.

I pray the answers come to me before I make anymore wrong decisions.

People didn't deserve to know me the way they do. I can't comprehend how hurt I become.

Once you break me, I break myself two times harder.