My head is acting like planet Earth.
Rotating continuously to the point where crazy becomes unfelt.
I feel as though I have stood in a swarm of jelly fish. A family of carnivores. Though the only issue is, I am the only meat they eat.
Hmm, Samara meat.
As I yet again stare out into the suburban back yard which I have become so familiarised with, I can tell what is truely eating my insides.
The parasites that control my brain, actions and personality traits.
My career, my future and my family.
For a while now I have had nothing to my self. No money, no car, phone and time.
It seems all materialistic, though slowly and horiffically it is all adding up.
On a daily basis now, my brain is pumping in over drive.
Thought after thought, idea after creation and somehow I can never find a way to put in on paper. Or, on this blog.
As if, whenever I am to move a muscle; my body, like my car, loses battery.
No power, no motivation.
My depression at the moment is solely based on self renovation.
I spent the last two years of schooling attempting to be better than my surroundings. Now my surroundings have put me to rest.
I am no longer that ball of glowing light I have previously written about.
To me, life no longer has meaning. We work, we die and we fight for our lives alone the way.
Dear heavenly father,
please support me this year and the years to come. Please offer me a hand when I enter the burdens I have to face this week.
Amen.
Bloggers,
I am on edge, I am overwhelmed and unfortunately, consumed in the idea of a successful me that I am not actually beginning where I should. Though, I know that when the year is over, I will have different support people, a new home, a new job and hopefully a content year ahead of me.
Head up
Rotating continuously to the point where crazy becomes unfelt.
I feel as though I have stood in a swarm of jelly fish. A family of carnivores. Though the only issue is, I am the only meat they eat.
Hmm, Samara meat.
As I yet again stare out into the suburban back yard which I have become so familiarised with, I can tell what is truely eating my insides.
The parasites that control my brain, actions and personality traits.
My career, my future and my family.
For a while now I have had nothing to my self. No money, no car, phone and time.
It seems all materialistic, though slowly and horiffically it is all adding up.
On a daily basis now, my brain is pumping in over drive.
Thought after thought, idea after creation and somehow I can never find a way to put in on paper. Or, on this blog.
As if, whenever I am to move a muscle; my body, like my car, loses battery.
No power, no motivation.
My depression at the moment is solely based on self renovation.
I spent the last two years of schooling attempting to be better than my surroundings. Now my surroundings have put me to rest.
I am no longer that ball of glowing light I have previously written about.
To me, life no longer has meaning. We work, we die and we fight for our lives alone the way.
Dear heavenly father,
please support me this year and the years to come. Please offer me a hand when I enter the burdens I have to face this week.
Amen.
Bloggers,
I am on edge, I am overwhelmed and unfortunately, consumed in the idea of a successful me that I am not actually beginning where I should. Though, I know that when the year is over, I will have different support people, a new home, a new job and hopefully a content year ahead of me.
Head up
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