Seems like forever since I've re read these pages but again, of course, I am returning to let you all know exactly what is happening in my life.
Ever since I have left the toxic friends and family that I had, life has been sky rocketing like an astronaut travelling the Mars.
I found a home with someone who wishes to only help me, friends I can now securely open up to without feeling as if they will attempt to destroy my life at any possible opportunity.
After my previous home owner had given all my belonging away to life line out of an urge of pure spite and anger, I decided to make a new home. One that didn't mean a bed and personal belongings.
I bought a rat. My darling Gucci.
White bodies like snow and a grey head like pencil led. A gentle, yet misunderstood creature. He somehow - accidentally - ended up coming to university with me for a day. I can't even begin to explain that experience.
Even though everything in so wonderful right now, there is an empty void I can't seem to fathom.
Like the distance of my relatives still ponders eventfully in my dreams and lonely waking moments.
It infuriates me when people assume I have parents to go to for assistance. For love. For guidance.
No one but I to decide and figure out what to do next in every situation.
I feel like I'm sitting on a wooden bench surrounded by darkness and fog. Like no one will ever being able to accept me for the broken pieces that I am. From mood swings to randomly outspoken sentences.
Can I wrap my small arms around my brother and father again? Why do I have to wait so long to see them all again.
The death of Randall and Grandma resting on my breaths. My little sister reading aloud to me the story she had created based on facts of her deceased father. I wanted nothing more than to scream and cry whilst still trying to prove strength to her.
I don't understand how one minute someone is here and the next you're trying to connect with their soul through conspiracy theories that they can in fact hear and feel you in a one sided universe.
Is it possible to have so many ideas to be an ongoing activist, changing lived through the power of speech and literature? I'm afraid I'll end up a washed up whale.
Such a beauty with high potential to be the Queen of my environment and failing miserably.
I know I'm only 19, but part of me feels like if I' don't start now, I'll never be able to achieve my goals. Constantly watching inspirational videos, trying to bring faith to the fact that I could possibly still be GREAT. Even if it is 20 years down the track.
Anyway bloggers, with all this uni work that I should most definitely be completing - I will leave it at this for today.
If you are a regular reader, you can see from the very first post to this very current one that anything is possible. If you believe you can be better, you WILL be better. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what God has for you all.
Ever since I have left the toxic friends and family that I had, life has been sky rocketing like an astronaut travelling the Mars.
I found a home with someone who wishes to only help me, friends I can now securely open up to without feeling as if they will attempt to destroy my life at any possible opportunity.
After my previous home owner had given all my belonging away to life line out of an urge of pure spite and anger, I decided to make a new home. One that didn't mean a bed and personal belongings.
I bought a rat. My darling Gucci.
White bodies like snow and a grey head like pencil led. A gentle, yet misunderstood creature. He somehow - accidentally - ended up coming to university with me for a day. I can't even begin to explain that experience.
Even though everything in so wonderful right now, there is an empty void I can't seem to fathom.
Like the distance of my relatives still ponders eventfully in my dreams and lonely waking moments.
It infuriates me when people assume I have parents to go to for assistance. For love. For guidance.
No one but I to decide and figure out what to do next in every situation.
I feel like I'm sitting on a wooden bench surrounded by darkness and fog. Like no one will ever being able to accept me for the broken pieces that I am. From mood swings to randomly outspoken sentences.
Can I wrap my small arms around my brother and father again? Why do I have to wait so long to see them all again.
The death of Randall and Grandma resting on my breaths. My little sister reading aloud to me the story she had created based on facts of her deceased father. I wanted nothing more than to scream and cry whilst still trying to prove strength to her.
I don't understand how one minute someone is here and the next you're trying to connect with their soul through conspiracy theories that they can in fact hear and feel you in a one sided universe.
Is it possible to have so many ideas to be an ongoing activist, changing lived through the power of speech and literature? I'm afraid I'll end up a washed up whale.
Such a beauty with high potential to be the Queen of my environment and failing miserably.
I know I'm only 19, but part of me feels like if I' don't start now, I'll never be able to achieve my goals. Constantly watching inspirational videos, trying to bring faith to the fact that I could possibly still be GREAT. Even if it is 20 years down the track.
Anyway bloggers, with all this uni work that I should most definitely be completing - I will leave it at this for today.
If you are a regular reader, you can see from the very first post to this very current one that anything is possible. If you believe you can be better, you WILL be better. Sometimes you just have to wait and see what God has for you all.
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