What a chaotic last few weeks.
As I feel the cold breeze that brushes against my clean skin, I am nearly at home again.
As university came around and my life sky rocketed from the depths of the earth. Life was magical and my goals were set to light again. In a spiral turn of events and yet another round of familiar faces departing my life, I hit the ocean floor- again.
There have been many times in my life where I have less at home than I could ever imagine. Though for the first time in my life I was faced with true homelessness.
Lying on a dirty, carpark floor on a towel, surrounded by all two bags worth of my belongings. As the cold wind and wet rain touched me like a demon in a bad dream, I wobbled my way to a safe house.
When you're in a situation like that, and it feels like no one can carry me to safety, it makes you realised the value of ones life. There were many moments I questioned why I had survived that night. So many thoughts brewing in my thumping brain while I sat there helplessly. Like a seal trapped under ice.
For a moment, I briefly paused between sobs. I closed my eyes and prayed. As soon as I opened them again my heart had dropped. Like an anchor set a shore.
Through the support of those I had least expected and being abandoned again by those who shouldn't have left, I have made it.
Tomorrow I begin my new life in my new home. I can begin where I left off and leave those that wish to destroy me, behind.
Someone close to me stabbed me in the back. Another person claiming to have my heart and best intentions in mind.
They weren't happy with me so they took everything they could for their own use and expected me to stick around.
I spent so much time giving my heart to someone who doesn't want it. Well - doesn't know what to do with it.
Like petals falling from a rose - I drift.
Suffocating in university work, motel rooms and broken hearts; I am reminded of where I wish to be.
Writing business proposals, doing me the best way possible.
All week I had spent on phones to homeless shelters, emailing university teachers about my situation.
The lady who was set to my case kept repeating the same things over and over again.
"There are no vacancies at the female only refuge". Refuge.
Refuge.
Over and over again like a broken record.
It really hit me then that I was all alone. Spending my 19th year living in a homeless shelter. Until of course my cries to the Lord were heard.
I guess I lost my way. I relied on everyone else to keep me a float and forgot about the strength within myself.
I surround myself with friends that make me happy. That don't fill my life with toxic drama or abuse me for not being the way they wish me to be.
They accept me, just the way I am.
Bloggers, you may lose some, maybe even everything. but know that the lord had a plan for you. One that is never too large for you to overcome.
As I feel the cold breeze that brushes against my clean skin, I am nearly at home again.
As university came around and my life sky rocketed from the depths of the earth. Life was magical and my goals were set to light again. In a spiral turn of events and yet another round of familiar faces departing my life, I hit the ocean floor- again.
There have been many times in my life where I have less at home than I could ever imagine. Though for the first time in my life I was faced with true homelessness.
Lying on a dirty, carpark floor on a towel, surrounded by all two bags worth of my belongings. As the cold wind and wet rain touched me like a demon in a bad dream, I wobbled my way to a safe house.
When you're in a situation like that, and it feels like no one can carry me to safety, it makes you realised the value of ones life. There were many moments I questioned why I had survived that night. So many thoughts brewing in my thumping brain while I sat there helplessly. Like a seal trapped under ice.
For a moment, I briefly paused between sobs. I closed my eyes and prayed. As soon as I opened them again my heart had dropped. Like an anchor set a shore.
Through the support of those I had least expected and being abandoned again by those who shouldn't have left, I have made it.
Tomorrow I begin my new life in my new home. I can begin where I left off and leave those that wish to destroy me, behind.
Someone close to me stabbed me in the back. Another person claiming to have my heart and best intentions in mind.
They weren't happy with me so they took everything they could for their own use and expected me to stick around.
I spent so much time giving my heart to someone who doesn't want it. Well - doesn't know what to do with it.
Like petals falling from a rose - I drift.
Suffocating in university work, motel rooms and broken hearts; I am reminded of where I wish to be.
Writing business proposals, doing me the best way possible.
All week I had spent on phones to homeless shelters, emailing university teachers about my situation.
The lady who was set to my case kept repeating the same things over and over again.
"There are no vacancies at the female only refuge". Refuge.
Refuge.
Over and over again like a broken record.
It really hit me then that I was all alone. Spending my 19th year living in a homeless shelter. Until of course my cries to the Lord were heard.
I guess I lost my way. I relied on everyone else to keep me a float and forgot about the strength within myself.
I surround myself with friends that make me happy. That don't fill my life with toxic drama or abuse me for not being the way they wish me to be.
They accept me, just the way I am.
Bloggers, you may lose some, maybe even everything. but know that the lord had a plan for you. One that is never too large for you to overcome.
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