Drugs.
The one thing in this world that consumes most that I know.
The crazy part is, even those who don't think every weekend is much; and those who barely take them at all but spend their time providing for those that do.
I thought once a relationship grows and becomes more serious that the negative vices that we have are to be encouraged to end. That we change for the benefit of our togetherness.
Why is it that my screams are not heard?
The musicless words I speak.
Will any soul understand mine?
Will the words of those closest to me ever be real? Honest?
I'm re learning that no one is really down for you like they say. Just like Wikipedia or an un published novel - anything is possible. And anything can change like Melbourne weather.
Sometimes the cold sensation in my sheets reminds me of the lonely Winter nights I spent alone trying to remind myself how to feel at home and comfortable again.
As I grow into the woman that I am, my strength with loneliness has improved tremendously.
Some nights it scares me. Though some days theres no where I'd rather be than curled up in my blankets next to Gucci. It wasn't all that long ago I didn't have a home. My bed is something I am forever grateful for.
The blossoming of ideas in my head are still firing freely through the midsts of my life. I just have to find someone who can recognise what I have to offer.
It's time I start doing me. Because when I'm hurt, or destroyed, or frightened; I need to learn to keep quiet about my fears and fend for myself.
This way I can prevent any fake or misleading information and advice from those closest to me.
When my mums boyfriend hurt me and when I was so afraid to go home again, it was me who settled my restless breathes and shaking hands. It was me that gave myself the strength to continue on and remind myself that not every man is here to hurt me. Even though my step father, my mothers boyfriend, my boyfriends and my brothers best friend all have.
They all failed me in their promise to be there for me, no matter what. To provide for and protect me.
They all lied.
Like a rabbit running from a fox, countless times I was victimised by those who should never have touched my skin that way. Or have said the words that they have.
Destroyed, belittled, humiliated, abused, manipulated, lied to..
I am the product of a man.
and every day I battle to find acceptance within myself because of it.
As a child I was shaped into the traumatised, yet highly powerful and suspicious woman that I am.
I'm doing very well for myself from the cell that I had once come from.
Though the phase passed and everything is finding it's way home again
The one thing in this world that consumes most that I know.
The crazy part is, even those who don't think every weekend is much; and those who barely take them at all but spend their time providing for those that do.
I thought once a relationship grows and becomes more serious that the negative vices that we have are to be encouraged to end. That we change for the benefit of our togetherness.
Why is it that my screams are not heard?
The musicless words I speak.
Will any soul understand mine?
Will the words of those closest to me ever be real? Honest?
I'm re learning that no one is really down for you like they say. Just like Wikipedia or an un published novel - anything is possible. And anything can change like Melbourne weather.
Sometimes the cold sensation in my sheets reminds me of the lonely Winter nights I spent alone trying to remind myself how to feel at home and comfortable again.
As I grow into the woman that I am, my strength with loneliness has improved tremendously.
Some nights it scares me. Though some days theres no where I'd rather be than curled up in my blankets next to Gucci. It wasn't all that long ago I didn't have a home. My bed is something I am forever grateful for.
The blossoming of ideas in my head are still firing freely through the midsts of my life. I just have to find someone who can recognise what I have to offer.
It's time I start doing me. Because when I'm hurt, or destroyed, or frightened; I need to learn to keep quiet about my fears and fend for myself.
This way I can prevent any fake or misleading information and advice from those closest to me.
When my mums boyfriend hurt me and when I was so afraid to go home again, it was me who settled my restless breathes and shaking hands. It was me that gave myself the strength to continue on and remind myself that not every man is here to hurt me. Even though my step father, my mothers boyfriend, my boyfriends and my brothers best friend all have.
They all failed me in their promise to be there for me, no matter what. To provide for and protect me.
They all lied.
Like a rabbit running from a fox, countless times I was victimised by those who should never have touched my skin that way. Or have said the words that they have.
Destroyed, belittled, humiliated, abused, manipulated, lied to..
I am the product of a man.
and every day I battle to find acceptance within myself because of it.
As a child I was shaped into the traumatised, yet highly powerful and suspicious woman that I am.
I'm doing very well for myself from the cell that I had once come from.
Though the phase passed and everything is finding it's way home again
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