Is it possible to be haunted by a raid?
Being restricted to change clothing, reach for a single text or understanding as to what's going on.. Or more importantly, what's going to happen next.
3 years ago now and only as of late since the months following, have I truly been pondering and reminding myself of that tragic morning.
I remember being so afraid. When I was searching for my mum and all I could see were police. So many police.
"what has mum done? Where is she?"
It felt like the time my mother had told me my grandmother had died. I could feel my heart sink to my stomach like a boat dropping an anchor to the ocean floor.
Finally she appeared and a weight lifted off my shoulders.. Until I hid my sisters eyes watching her and her boyfriend leave our family home in hand cuffs and in the back of two separate vehicles.
I didn't get a chance to ask her what was wrong or where she was going. I feared the worst. I thought that might be the last time I'll see her in a long time. The worst part was not knowing why? Why were these men taking my mother away?
This mother who took me and my 3 siblings to private schooling education, and raised my brother who at the time was a state champion for basketball, nearly graduating his Bachelors at an elite University. When she raised, yes some troubled, but beautiful 3 daughters. A woman who fed us every night to someone ever since, has never been the same.
A raid didn't just remove the drugs from my premises. It took a part of me. It took my family away.
After that my home was a ghost town. I had two random family friends taking shelter in the place none of us could. I wasn't safe, the police came back several times over the next week and my mother was never a phone call away.
Trying to locate her took some time. My brother literally tracing her every step to try and piece together what had happened. Like a episode of CSI or a series of criminology novels.
Where did my mother go?
What has she been hiding right under my nose for so long?
Why did I never pick up any signs till it was too late?
When's it time to start blaming myself, or yourself?
my boyfriend left me after that. How can I ever say I feel lonely when losing the two most important people to me had left me in a time of desperate need.
Like a wild animal, I was starved and deprived of my needs.
I was tormented and cursed by the day I realised society labels everything but not everything can be measured accordingly.
Just because society says your mother is beautiful and genuine, and to buy her endless everything on Mothers day; doesn't mean every mother deserves it or that every child has even had a mothers love.
Just because society says that a father is meant to protect and support you and stand up for you no matter what; doesn't mean every father isn't a psychopathic, perverted, demon.
Just because society says a friend is someone you can rely on and open up to about your feelings; doesn't mean every friend will do that because it's those closest to you that take advantage of you and then have the opportunity to manipulate what you say or do.
Being restricted to change clothing, reach for a single text or understanding as to what's going on.. Or more importantly, what's going to happen next.
3 years ago now and only as of late since the months following, have I truly been pondering and reminding myself of that tragic morning.
I remember being so afraid. When I was searching for my mum and all I could see were police. So many police.
"what has mum done? Where is she?"
It felt like the time my mother had told me my grandmother had died. I could feel my heart sink to my stomach like a boat dropping an anchor to the ocean floor.
Finally she appeared and a weight lifted off my shoulders.. Until I hid my sisters eyes watching her and her boyfriend leave our family home in hand cuffs and in the back of two separate vehicles.
I didn't get a chance to ask her what was wrong or where she was going. I feared the worst. I thought that might be the last time I'll see her in a long time. The worst part was not knowing why? Why were these men taking my mother away?
This mother who took me and my 3 siblings to private schooling education, and raised my brother who at the time was a state champion for basketball, nearly graduating his Bachelors at an elite University. When she raised, yes some troubled, but beautiful 3 daughters. A woman who fed us every night to someone ever since, has never been the same.
A raid didn't just remove the drugs from my premises. It took a part of me. It took my family away.
After that my home was a ghost town. I had two random family friends taking shelter in the place none of us could. I wasn't safe, the police came back several times over the next week and my mother was never a phone call away.
Trying to locate her took some time. My brother literally tracing her every step to try and piece together what had happened. Like a episode of CSI or a series of criminology novels.
Where did my mother go?
What has she been hiding right under my nose for so long?
Why did I never pick up any signs till it was too late?
When's it time to start blaming myself, or yourself?
my boyfriend left me after that. How can I ever say I feel lonely when losing the two most important people to me had left me in a time of desperate need.
Like a wild animal, I was starved and deprived of my needs.
I was tormented and cursed by the day I realised society labels everything but not everything can be measured accordingly.
Just because society says your mother is beautiful and genuine, and to buy her endless everything on Mothers day; doesn't mean every mother deserves it or that every child has even had a mothers love.
Just because society says that a father is meant to protect and support you and stand up for you no matter what; doesn't mean every father isn't a psychopathic, perverted, demon.
Just because society says a friend is someone you can rely on and open up to about your feelings; doesn't mean every friend will do that because it's those closest to you that take advantage of you and then have the opportunity to manipulate what you say or do.
No comments:
Post a Comment