It's cold in this room..
A ripped, pink gown covering my cold shoulders from my kidless childhood.
A scent like those painted on the walls of my fathers house. A house I miss so deeply from a time I wish I had never lost.
Brother, I miss you endlessly. Like one leg, one vein, one hug is missing.. Like part of me will never feel at peace without you here. You were the wings when I needed to fly away and the bible verses I wished I always remembered.
Why do we hurt those we love? Why do we love those who hurt us?
I've been trying for months, maybe years now to get my mother to see what she is truly capable of. Trying to understand why the woman that gave birth to me won't allow me in her home.
How the woman who gave birth to me let countless men lay a finger on me both sexually and violently.
It breaks my soul. I'm just a young adult who left her mother to soon. Though it wasn't by choice.
Can my family tell me I'm beautiful? I can't remember the last time someone looked at me in the eyes and said I looked gorgeous. Stunning perhaps.
So after a while you start to believe it. No one reminding you of how great you are, only how little you're doing with your life.
It'd be nice to have something significant from my grandparents before they pass. I wish I had more items of my grandmas. I still remember the sound of her voice and every mark on her fine skin. Every tea, every meal. Every cent. Every drive.
"how much is that doggy in the window?" playing on repeat on a very, very old tape.
When's it my turn to be asked questions? When will people start recognising the real?
I'm not sure what it is, but as of late my whole world has been crumbling down. Not necessarily in a bad way, it's just evolving. My university subjects changed, I'm moving soon and within the next week I'll be working full time on top of that.
I'm afraid I'll lose everything like I have once before.
Just one more day and I'll be souring the M1 like a rocket ship to outer space when I pick my car up. Like nothing else really matters because I control where I journey to by the simple touch of a wheel..
The same wheel I spent many nights and days hiding and changing in. Nothing excited me more than to know there a chance something might actually work out for me.
until next time bloggers..
it's okay to miss people. Just don't let it get the better of you.
A ripped, pink gown covering my cold shoulders from my kidless childhood.
A scent like those painted on the walls of my fathers house. A house I miss so deeply from a time I wish I had never lost.
Brother, I miss you endlessly. Like one leg, one vein, one hug is missing.. Like part of me will never feel at peace without you here. You were the wings when I needed to fly away and the bible verses I wished I always remembered.
Why do we hurt those we love? Why do we love those who hurt us?
I've been trying for months, maybe years now to get my mother to see what she is truly capable of. Trying to understand why the woman that gave birth to me won't allow me in her home.
How the woman who gave birth to me let countless men lay a finger on me both sexually and violently.
It breaks my soul. I'm just a young adult who left her mother to soon. Though it wasn't by choice.
Can my family tell me I'm beautiful? I can't remember the last time someone looked at me in the eyes and said I looked gorgeous. Stunning perhaps.
So after a while you start to believe it. No one reminding you of how great you are, only how little you're doing with your life.
It'd be nice to have something significant from my grandparents before they pass. I wish I had more items of my grandmas. I still remember the sound of her voice and every mark on her fine skin. Every tea, every meal. Every cent. Every drive.
"how much is that doggy in the window?" playing on repeat on a very, very old tape.
When's it my turn to be asked questions? When will people start recognising the real?
I'm not sure what it is, but as of late my whole world has been crumbling down. Not necessarily in a bad way, it's just evolving. My university subjects changed, I'm moving soon and within the next week I'll be working full time on top of that.
I'm afraid I'll lose everything like I have once before.
Just one more day and I'll be souring the M1 like a rocket ship to outer space when I pick my car up. Like nothing else really matters because I control where I journey to by the simple touch of a wheel..
The same wheel I spent many nights and days hiding and changing in. Nothing excited me more than to know there a chance something might actually work out for me.
until next time bloggers..
it's okay to miss people. Just don't let it get the better of you.
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