Isn't this a wonderful world?
The tear drops become our happy place and a bed so unfamiliar is a place we are so stoked to call a home.
The sharp knives daggering my insides became butterflies once again. A nervous shake keeping me in touch with what's good and what's not.
A train. A long, mechanical device. Soaring past the landscapes, flying into a city far away. Releasing the feelings of anxiety and bad jujus' once again.
Shooting away, miles and miles from those who wish to hurt me.
Many restless nights. Fearing the verdict be the same as last time. Ending up empty handed, depressed, questionable and unsure.
I know my place.
& I finally know without the one I love, I will be okay. I deserve only the best of things from what I have been handed in life by those around me.
Using my experiences as a key to unlock many more doors. The answers are where we hurt. You can't grow, or blossom until you really understand what it's like to be and to have; without.
I miss you, Dad.
I know nothing I ever did or said what quite was you had wished for. The bones you saw appear were too much for you to see. My outbursts too overwhelming for yourself.
You hurt me over and over again. In a way a father should never hurt his daughter. You throw a blame so vicious towards mother but have you really looked, with emotion, in the mirror?
What daughter, without her mother, doesn't need her father?
Why do you never ask how I am? Or where I am? or who I am?
All these "drug" addicted friends you accused me of having, but where were you? Too far to realise I am all alone.
Bloggers, it baffles my mind how some people can be so much stronger than others.
I saw a young woman on the train coming home from work yesterday. Dark hair, pale skin, clenching a Pokemon back-pack. Not much younger than I. As I scanned the carriage she quickly darted her head to the floor and from then on saw her briefly checking me out to then return to her awkward self.
"What are you so afraid of?" I thought to myself.
What happened in her life to make her so socially anxious in a public area such as a busy train to the City with no one that she knows close by?
How does one young adult become an influencer of all ages? I don't know how seriously I would take a 20 year old with "life experiences".
Anyway, the new home I now rest upon being the barn house of my crazy new-life. My security. The blanket that was stolen, now I am cloaked by invisibility.. but the warmth is just as nice.
Dark thoughts still hover and I certainly feel like running a marathon to shake this feeling that has never left but everything is headed in the right direction once again.
Believe in yourself. When you don't is when you fall and if you're not ready to catch you, who is?
No mother, no father, no sibling, no partner, just you.
so, Focus on you.
Protect yourself. Your empire. Your castle. Your ambition, love & morality.
You cannot allow others to dictate the kind of person you are. Even if multiple different people continuously tell you you're not worthy or not capable that does not mean they're right. It means you know more than one nasty soul and need to make sure you take advantage or getting as far away from them as possible.
When people can no longer control you, they try to control those around you.
Anyway bloggers, I will return to you. My finger tips will caress the keys and illustrate my emotions for you once again!
Have a beautiful day.
If you're reading this, you're worth it.
The tear drops become our happy place and a bed so unfamiliar is a place we are so stoked to call a home.
The sharp knives daggering my insides became butterflies once again. A nervous shake keeping me in touch with what's good and what's not.
A train. A long, mechanical device. Soaring past the landscapes, flying into a city far away. Releasing the feelings of anxiety and bad jujus' once again.
Shooting away, miles and miles from those who wish to hurt me.
Many restless nights. Fearing the verdict be the same as last time. Ending up empty handed, depressed, questionable and unsure.
I know my place.
& I finally know without the one I love, I will be okay. I deserve only the best of things from what I have been handed in life by those around me.
Using my experiences as a key to unlock many more doors. The answers are where we hurt. You can't grow, or blossom until you really understand what it's like to be and to have; without.
I miss you, Dad.
I know nothing I ever did or said what quite was you had wished for. The bones you saw appear were too much for you to see. My outbursts too overwhelming for yourself.
You hurt me over and over again. In a way a father should never hurt his daughter. You throw a blame so vicious towards mother but have you really looked, with emotion, in the mirror?
What daughter, without her mother, doesn't need her father?
Why do you never ask how I am? Or where I am? or who I am?
All these "drug" addicted friends you accused me of having, but where were you? Too far to realise I am all alone.
Bloggers, it baffles my mind how some people can be so much stronger than others.
I saw a young woman on the train coming home from work yesterday. Dark hair, pale skin, clenching a Pokemon back-pack. Not much younger than I. As I scanned the carriage she quickly darted her head to the floor and from then on saw her briefly checking me out to then return to her awkward self.
"What are you so afraid of?" I thought to myself.
What happened in her life to make her so socially anxious in a public area such as a busy train to the City with no one that she knows close by?
How does one young adult become an influencer of all ages? I don't know how seriously I would take a 20 year old with "life experiences".
Anyway, the new home I now rest upon being the barn house of my crazy new-life. My security. The blanket that was stolen, now I am cloaked by invisibility.. but the warmth is just as nice.
Dark thoughts still hover and I certainly feel like running a marathon to shake this feeling that has never left but everything is headed in the right direction once again.
Believe in yourself. When you don't is when you fall and if you're not ready to catch you, who is?
No mother, no father, no sibling, no partner, just you.
so, Focus on you.
Protect yourself. Your empire. Your castle. Your ambition, love & morality.
You cannot allow others to dictate the kind of person you are. Even if multiple different people continuously tell you you're not worthy or not capable that does not mean they're right. It means you know more than one nasty soul and need to make sure you take advantage or getting as far away from them as possible.
When people can no longer control you, they try to control those around you.
Anyway bloggers, I will return to you. My finger tips will caress the keys and illustrate my emotions for you once again!
Have a beautiful day.
If you're reading this, you're worth it.
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