Have I been too busy to return here?
Or just so unsure of what's going on to be able to write to you the things that I would like.
University - mostly - went wonderfully well this semester.
I was offered a 7 week casual job with SecureCorp. Full time hours, 2 and a half hours away from my home where I am the Administration Assistant for the AEC (Australian Electoral Commission) Project (The Federal Election).
I spend more hours at work than I do at home and half of the shift worth of time in travel. This leaving me just 3 hours every night to do what I need to do before going to bed.
I do love my job though. Knowing my role is important and valued by many. Sometimes I feel a lot of people doubt me, but I'm just blessed to be offered this position, knowing what I am doing is genuinely doing something memorable for the whole Australia (even if I am unrecognised).
In that sense, work - everything seems to being going pretty well. I am tired, like a bear preparing for hibernation but I am a strong woman.
At the same time, dealing with the man I love no longer reciprocating the same connection. I always thought if I still felt that tingle down my spine and the warm coat of utter erotic sensation that cloaks me that he must too. I was wrong.
Though, the hard work and empire within myself is not unnoticed. Just not recognised by the one I wish to have seen it.
People, you can be kind, you can offer help, you can support, you can empower, you can love, you can dream, you can have good intentions but that doesn't mean everyone else will return it to you.
Please remember this doesn't make you weird, or strange, or a bad person. It means some people do not see or feel or connect the way that you can. Or at least just not with you. This is OKAY.
Because it's true when your best friends and family tell you that, "There are bigger and better fish in the sea".
Take some time to focus on you and slowly let go of the person each of you were.
Love from afar.
The saddest thing is wondering why holding him close felt like 2 magnets; 2 people that were just meant to stick together, or find their way back to each other - always.
But for him, that wasn't the case at all.
That my repetitive, "I love you"'s were miscommunicated to false feelings when this feeling is one I hadn't felt in many years.
I lye in bed after most days, even on the darkest of nights. Ones cursed by undetermined comments or stressful work days and this invisible blanket rests upon me.
Security, a safe place. Like, if anything was really wrong, I knew I could handle it and I knew I had a new network or support team of friends that would be there within a heart beat..
When my mother left for all that time, and my family were separated for those years, I never really trusted anyone. My best friends told me that I could never go to university, that I wasn't worth anything, that I was just like my mother and unfortunately, many, many months worth of words more frightening than you could ever imagine.
I finally reached a place in my heart, skin and soul that reminded me of who I am and where I will be. The tunnel towards the future was so clear.
It is time I take this heart break and hectic working life-style and soon to be studying yet again on board and continue to tell myself who I am and what I am capable of.
God has greater plans for me and it is okay to love and to not be loved by those we wish would.
Stay strong Samara..
Bloggers,
Everyone has bad days even when they're doing good. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it means you need to focus on what brings you power and love.
Use my journey from the early days compared to these ones as a goal - as a real life encounter or testimony of strength within. A strength I know that you probably don't believe you have. But, you do..
Good night all! I promise to come back here more often. Everything has been so chaotic but I will keep you all posted very soon xo
Or just so unsure of what's going on to be able to write to you the things that I would like.
University - mostly - went wonderfully well this semester.
I was offered a 7 week casual job with SecureCorp. Full time hours, 2 and a half hours away from my home where I am the Administration Assistant for the AEC (Australian Electoral Commission) Project (The Federal Election).
I spend more hours at work than I do at home and half of the shift worth of time in travel. This leaving me just 3 hours every night to do what I need to do before going to bed.
I do love my job though. Knowing my role is important and valued by many. Sometimes I feel a lot of people doubt me, but I'm just blessed to be offered this position, knowing what I am doing is genuinely doing something memorable for the whole Australia (even if I am unrecognised).
In that sense, work - everything seems to being going pretty well. I am tired, like a bear preparing for hibernation but I am a strong woman.
At the same time, dealing with the man I love no longer reciprocating the same connection. I always thought if I still felt that tingle down my spine and the warm coat of utter erotic sensation that cloaks me that he must too. I was wrong.
Though, the hard work and empire within myself is not unnoticed. Just not recognised by the one I wish to have seen it.
People, you can be kind, you can offer help, you can support, you can empower, you can love, you can dream, you can have good intentions but that doesn't mean everyone else will return it to you.
Please remember this doesn't make you weird, or strange, or a bad person. It means some people do not see or feel or connect the way that you can. Or at least just not with you. This is OKAY.
Because it's true when your best friends and family tell you that, "There are bigger and better fish in the sea".
Take some time to focus on you and slowly let go of the person each of you were.
Love from afar.
The saddest thing is wondering why holding him close felt like 2 magnets; 2 people that were just meant to stick together, or find their way back to each other - always.
But for him, that wasn't the case at all.
That my repetitive, "I love you"'s were miscommunicated to false feelings when this feeling is one I hadn't felt in many years.
I lye in bed after most days, even on the darkest of nights. Ones cursed by undetermined comments or stressful work days and this invisible blanket rests upon me.
Security, a safe place. Like, if anything was really wrong, I knew I could handle it and I knew I had a new network or support team of friends that would be there within a heart beat..
When my mother left for all that time, and my family were separated for those years, I never really trusted anyone. My best friends told me that I could never go to university, that I wasn't worth anything, that I was just like my mother and unfortunately, many, many months worth of words more frightening than you could ever imagine.
I finally reached a place in my heart, skin and soul that reminded me of who I am and where I will be. The tunnel towards the future was so clear.
It is time I take this heart break and hectic working life-style and soon to be studying yet again on board and continue to tell myself who I am and what I am capable of.
God has greater plans for me and it is okay to love and to not be loved by those we wish would.
Stay strong Samara..
Bloggers,
Everyone has bad days even when they're doing good. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong, it means you need to focus on what brings you power and love.
Use my journey from the early days compared to these ones as a goal - as a real life encounter or testimony of strength within. A strength I know that you probably don't believe you have. But, you do..
Good night all! I promise to come back here more often. Everything has been so chaotic but I will keep you all posted very soon xo
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