Araura

Dear Araura,

Tomorrow I shed the old I and send her off with you to the heavens above.

My heart and my body support you all the way.

What ever life, what ever journey God will give you in your next life.

Hopefully filled with love and passion that I couldn't provide for you.

My sickness grows immensely every day. As do you.

I don't want this to be our last day together.

Even when I feel alone, In the last week I felt I still had you.

I questioned and I visualised every scenario with you in it and at every solution there was a dead end.

A story I can't change.

I don't know what I will feel when I wake up. I don't know if I will hurt even more.

Like a monster, taking the life of something so precious. So beautiful. So loved, already.

I still hold you. I protect you with my hands. I talk to you.

You now have eye lids, ears and legs.

I'm so sorry.

Will I be the same?

I can't help but ask God, "what was my lesson learnt?".

I feel there's only loss and no gain. This could have been the sun in the rain but irreversibly did the opposite.

I hope when I awake I am not alone.

someone is there.

Araura.

This is goodbye for now.

I always wondered what my first pregnancy would be like and so far it's one of the hardest situations I've faced.

The first decision I've had to make that will determine the entirety of my life.

I promise you'll be the reason I become the best version of myself so I can hold you again. Hopefully till I die.

I'm so sorry.

I wish I could kiss your baby lips and care for you the way I had wanted.

I love you.