G(L/R)ow Up

Ever feel so manic?

The thumping of a beat becoming synchronised to your mind, your thoughts. 

A small, minuscule feeling growing in size. Mimicking that of a man on steroids. 

Have you ever seen a man of aspirations become a consumer of steroids and the flakes from the snow we inhale?  Not the kind of snow we wish to bury ourselves in. The kind we take to escape reality for a while until his while became a reality. 

When everything finally starts to fall into place like the puzzle pieces that were missing have finally been found. Then again I am reminded that some pieces are harder to find than others..

Searching in the darkest places but also missing the pieces that were right in front of us the entire time. 

The lyrics, "Who am I when no one is in the room?", honestly hit me like a home run in the grand finale. 

Finally understanding we are all running the same race just different sports. 

It has come to my attention as of late all of the wonderful and horrid thoughts people have on me.

At first it hurt. Do you ever stop for a moment and truly reflect on the kind of person that you are?

or like me- are you so set in your ways you maybe did forget to stop and think that how you are acting towards others isn't in sync with how you view yourself? What you would expect.

Honestly it shook me. Though it gave me an idea of what it is I'd like to change. 

It's interesting how we always wait for that one thing until we can be "happy" and then we achieve that one thing and then we continue to top it off better than the last. Never truly reaching our versions of happiness. 

This in mind, I have endured this adventure to take everything as it comes. To try effortlessly to live in the moment. 

I've begun to take the longer route home. Today I walked with rain sliding from my skin, my golden eyes were wet but this time not from sadness. 

What ever is to happen next -  I am ready. Show me what is next in store, Father. 

For I have been lead astray by Satan himself (well this version), for the very last time. 

Drinking cocktails with a soul that I had prayed to come into my life, running solo (as always) to the dance floor, I was reminded of a light in myself I forgot had even existed. 

Having an outta-body experience, I saw that shooting star fire once again. 

A smile followed by a laughter I thought was silenced forever, brought forward once again by the life that I had built. From loss, abandonment and the worlds worst parts to stability, friendship, passion and love.

With or without you father - and I'm not talking about our Heavenly one. 

Yes, dad. I mean you. 

Your little girl became everything you wished she was but never believed she could be. 

Bloggers,

If your network of support people is minimal to none just remember that you come into this world alone and you leave it the same way. 

That doesn't have to make you feel unfulfilled. It should make you adamant about achieving your greatest dreams by yourself. I agree it's always nice to have a someone that can pull you into line. Like a puppy being trained for the first time. 

We don't know what is wrong or become aware until we are told.

But you don't need anyone. 

Tonight was the first time in a while the dormant monster escaped... not so dormant anymore. 

Although for the first time I truly believe that it was a healthy outburst. 

I find that funny considering I recently found out I was the "outspoken" one. 

The tears that were shed allowed me to consider what events might have made me return to the act of self destruction. 

I suppose I too am trying to get over a few memories of betrayal and the loss of Araura (ah, seeing her name written down has its own feel) has somewhat altered my mental state. 

It's up to me, and to you, to change the way you think. 

The world is not against you, I hate to say it but you're not that important.

You are beautiful, you are powerful and strong, yes, but you must remember the world does not revolve around you. Grow in consideration. Think about your peers; your bosses, coworkers, friends, siblings, the Uber driver. 

Say "thank you" and compliment people on the small things they love but think go unnoticed by others. 

Bloggers, 

I am very much so going to sleep. Blessed is exactly what I am, what we all are. 

It's time to start living life the easiest way possible.

God bless & sweet dreams