23 - A New Woman

 I'm back!

Let us catch up on the last week...

Should I start with the fact I celebrated my 23rd birthday in the land of Sydney just a week after the lockdown restrictions were lifted.

Although I couldn't embrace my friends and family, the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

I suppose knowing I had the ability to leave if I had wanted gave me not only freedom but the relief I had waited 3 months to feel.

I spent last weekend sipping the finest red underneath the Sydney Harbour Bridge, admiring its architecture from a perfect viewpoint.

The borders are lifting to enter Queensland just before Christmas in December. 

After I received the promotion I fought and worked ever so hard for, I was feeling a little lost.

I came here for this huge adventure and since we were locked down I was too busy working to focus on building friendships and relationships with those on the Southside of the place I call 'home'.

My birthday was a huge wake-up call and gave me not one but quite a few epiphanies.

The confusion I was feeling has faded.

It is as clear as the oceans on the Coast as to what I am to do next.

I finally built a place to call home and for once my family asked me if I had needed anything, and as hard as I thought about the answer, there really isn't anything I need.

Somehow, amongst the aftermath of a series of unfortunate events, I'm okay.

I did it.

Shocked, I provided myself with everything I could possibly want and need and this weight has lifted from my shoulders.

So this is what it feels like to have your life in order...

Even the hardest moments don't feel so hard anymore.

Early next year I will be joining my brother in France and hopefully drop my friend off in the UK on the way.

You know, I made the leap to move interstate by myself and was unfortunately forced to stay alone and isolated for 3 months, so after I briefly return to Queensland in 2022, I plan on setting the bar higher and solo travelling Europe.

I must say, as of late, being alone is much more exciting. No expectations from others. 

My seasons greeting card business, Seasons by Samara, will be launching next month to assist with a second income - the second of many to come.

I can't stop now. It's as if someone has strapped me to a treadmill and if I stop, it would only do harm.

Not yet have I achieved all that I wanted but again, I can see the future clearly.

I suppose it felt like the train I was on was momentarily riding in the darkness. I wasn't sure where I was or where it was taking me and we have finally exited the dark tunnel and I once again can see the route we are to take. 

Of course, I still admire the home I have created and wish nothing more than for someone to be part of it. Or even to just have someone see it.

It's exciting really - to know that there are endless moments and opportunities that I am about to experience that will change my life forever.

Next month I will be diving headfirst out of a plane. After YEARS of it sitting on my bucket list, I am finally in a place mentally and financially to be the adrenaline junkie I have always wanted to be.

Sydney has opened my eyes to so many beautiful sites.

The architecture, the landscapes, buildings, roads...

Although I may never permanently call this city my home, I am so blessed to have been 22 and living alone in a place like this.

16 year old me never would have expected this in a million years.

Since no one says it, I will, "Samara (me), I am so proud of you. Despite the odds and the hurdles that you had faced countless times, you are a good person and you never gave up".

I used to cry a lot. It felt like I shed more tears than the number of drops of water I drank.

Now I smile.

While having dinner and wine on my birthday, I had met a work friend for the first time.

I was such a different woman than when I left the Gold Coast.

Talking, I couldn't recognise myself.

The words I was saying, how confident I was in everything that I did. I walked tall, for the first time I had 0 panic attacks. That's incredible!

Leaving my apartment I had not a single piece of anxiety inside.

It's like I've let go of something.

Almost as if I had been cloaked for so long. Hiding my personality when I could have been vibrant and lively like I always am behind closed doors.

Maybe it's because I really didn't love myself and I didn't think so highly of the achievements I had made.

I am a new woman and I'm not the only one who can tell.

Bloggers, if you're a regular follower of my blogs, you know the torment and turmoil I have experienced.

This is the best place I have ever been in and it has not been easy. 

Remember that even on your worst days, a day is only 24 hours and it's the hardest events and moments that make us the strongest version of ourselves.

The strongest friend, daughter, mother, sister, lover.

When you lean on yourself and push through even when your body and mind fails you, being happy comes easier.

Not easy... easIER.

Even on your happiest of weeks, we all know things happen, we get sad, angry, disappointed, lied to.

But even those horrid moments don't hurt as much when you realise your worth and love yourself for all that you are.

Until next time.