Make Wrong, Right

 Welcome back!

Where to begin (as I always seem to say). 

Can you really believe I have been in Sydney for nearly 5 months now?

For a while, I had felt like Nemo.

Lost in depths too far from home, meeting strange faces, confused, questioning when something familiar would be in my reach once again. 

I was afraid to come forward with this, but for what reason? 

After finding myself mistreated within my company and constantly having to battle for basic respect and decency, I am deciding to step down from my promotion and begin a higher-earning position within another company. 

When I moved here, there was a plan.

From the beginning nothing, absolutely nothing has gone the way I had anticipated. 

I closed up shop, I cut ties with people I was seeing and certain friendships that weren't benefiting me in any way. 

But you know what, sometimes life doesn't go to plan - more times than often. 

Change used to frighten me. I would be bewildered; like when I see something out of place in my apartment. 

Now - it's exciting. 

I've learned so much about myself from simply leaving the place that I called home and truly believing that there was a life out there that  I never even imagined I would be blessed to be part of. 

You all know by now the struggles I had moving here. The tears that my body produced were like reliving a breakup all over again just with no one to hug you. No one to hold you and no reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

As I've told you before, there was this moment a couple of days before I landed here and I was sobbing in the back seat of an Uber because I was on my way to say goodbye to someone I loved more than anything - more than anyone I have ever loved before.

I remember telling myself, "this it, Samara. When you move no one else will be here to help you so you need to learn to feel these feelings and keep going". 

The mere thought that I was about to dive headfirst into a situation I had never been in was daunting.

I had no savings.

I had no car with me.

I had never ever been to the suburb I now live in. 

I didn't even have money to go from the airport to my apartment in an Uber.

That.Scared.The.Fuck.Out.Of.Me.

Months and months of hard work and dedication to my job and myself created this version of me which is full of stability, courage, love.

Anger. I was so mad.

I felt cheated. 

2 months into my isolation, I hadn't even seen the office and I hadn't had a single meal out and I was still not promoted.

I pushed, I huffed and I puffed and I chased what I deserved and I got it.

There is not a drop of regret that flows through my body. 

In all honesty, I wouldn't change a second of it.

I learned who my true friends are, finally woke up, and saw my family is exactly who I always thought they were, and I realised, despite whatever has happened in the past I am where I should be now and that's all that matters.

Bloggers, 

Your home might burn down, you might be a victim of abuse whether that be sexually, physically, or emotionally, but these experiences do not define who you are. 

They are simply a part of you but they are not you. 

You can't use a shitty family as an excuse, you can't blame your teacher for your bad grades, you can't blame your boss for your unhappiness...

It's up to you to change.

It's up to you to make wrong, right.

For years I was victim to my own relationship, to my families decisions that essentially changed my life forever, but that was only temporary.

All of that trauma, that heartache, those burdens, they're not mine to keep. 

Nor are they yours.

Sometimes when we are in such a bad place mentally we treat people horribly. Maybe you don't even realise it.

I know personally, I was becoming nasty. 

Admittedly, the world revolved around me.

My story was so much worse, so much harder, no one understood.

Until one day I realised that no ones story is less important. Your pain is not less valuable.

Instead of fighting everyone, instead of being the one in shackles, over the years, I broke free and I assist people regularly so they have the chance to do the same.

Lockdown brought up a lot of memories I had pushed so far back that I was forced to re-live these moments again.

As open as I am on here, there are some experiences since moving to Sydney that I had to face that I didn't think I would have to.

Just a friendly reminder that in life, we can't always just pretend something never happened. Whether it be a day, or a week or 4 years later, it will come to the surface again. 

Whether you prefer to deal with it alone or seek professional advice, I suggest you do it. 

From someone who often has demons she once battled and now wants to make peace with... I believe that fighting these difficult experiences isn't the answer - but finding a way to accept what was and build on what is yet to be.

Sleep well my readers, and I thank you all for following me for as long as you have.

I'm not sure if some of you are sharing my link but I have acknowledged that my views have gone up and I am forever thankful for all your support over the last 6 years.