Memories

" Cherish the time you have left with your mother. Next year she might not be as big of a part in your life as you would hope her to be. You never know; it could happen to you. ⌛️"

- Anonymous Family Member

(Photo 2 years old)

One day I was driving in the car with my mother when we lived in a small town called, Lowood.
I wasn't much younger than 9 and she said to me, "what should I do"

I asked what she meant.

"If he's rude to me again.. What should I do?"

So I replied, "Put you palm up. Then tell him to talk to the hand".

Another memory.
In fact the only memory I have comfortably telling my mother this and it accidentally slipped out.

"Mum"

"Yes, darling"

"I love you".

When my sisters' dad passed away, (2 years ago) I remember waking up at early hours of the morning to a loud noise.
A familiar song I had heard back when we had lived in Lowood many years before.
Sarah McLachlans' - In the arms of an angel
Overpowering that soft melody was the piercing cries of my mother. Preparing photo's for the funeral the following day.
I don't know what hurt more in that moment - hearing her cry a cry that I had hoped to never hear, ever. Or the fact that when I were to awake in the morning I would have to say one last good bye to someone who wasn't just special to me, but the world to my little Heidi.

In this moment I didn't wake up to go support her, but to stop the pain, I forced myself to close my eyes and pretend it wasn't happening. Drowning in her tears also.

Second last memory.
I had this desire - if you must - to own a Siberian Husky. I'm not sure where the urge came from but I began to buy posters and magazines and cut little pictures out and make collages. Mum picked up on this underlying desire to own one of my own. Mum and I had always discussed getting a German Shepherd (which we owned up until recent months) and one day she said she had a work meeting late.
There I was laying in bed waiting for mum to return to tuck me in, but this time it was different.
My baby Suka. My first Siberian Husky puppy. She was the size of my forearms, all snuggled into my stomach. The most beautiful specimen to walk this planet. Just as cheeky as me at that age.

One last memory.
Back in Lowood one night my mum had tucked me into bed and if I recall she was telling me a bed time story. I didn't remember falling asleep but a nightmare struck me to awake me crying suddenly and being already in the arms of my mother.

Even the best mothers can hit rock bottom. It's the strongers mothers that are most at risk. Don't take advantage of their vulnerability. They need help. Your help