I am so fucking happy, but I am being haunted. I swear to fucking god, I am constantly saddened by the same fucking questions.
I wonder what Sam Harrison is doing right now. I think he has a new girlfriend. I don't understand because the relationship status was posted at the same time he was communicating with my mum. At the same time she too was in a relationship.
Not going to lie, the woman seemed skimpy, though she also had another relationship photo up with another man. I have no idea what sick shit goes on in their world. The world of fucked up.
As tears stroll down my face I am presently at the realisation that my brother is at his last job interview. If he gets this he will be flying to Japan and teaching there for a year. One whole year.
52 weeks without him at my dads and I cry saying goodbye to people I met over a week, never mind my brother who inspires me to be the person that I am. Oh this is heavy on me. This weight is pressure, a pressure I don't want. What if someone dies here? What if something goes wrong? What if he has to leave before my graduation and formal and the first day of university?
What about the day Operation Defrost starts? My birthday or Heidi's? Fathers day and mothers day. So much has happened in the last year. What if he returns and we don't even know how to communicate with one another.
I didn't even consider the worst part of them all.
What if he loves it and he wants to stay there even longer?
I should be happy that he is striving for his future and his career. The one thing I know he wants more than anything - success. I should empathise that desire to improve.
But, one whole year.
365 days.
I don't know how people do this.
I wonder if I left the country, how many people would miss me..
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