Sacrifice - what is is worth?

How can I begin to explain my week?

Of course, I have returned in the front seat of my car. How am I feeling?

Well..

I’m so numb.

Returning to Lynda’s last night was something I can’t begin to explain. The smell of something so familiar. Something I only have the pleasure of in the presence of my father. 

Waking up to the hideous sight of nothing less than the person I absolutely can’t stand. Hmm, The House Bully. Smirking away in the house that once was mine which he so genuinely corrupted. 

But, no! I’m the horrid one for being a typical teenager. 

House hoping has been cruel and unfortunate. Another taste with freedom. I have become face to face with questioning who I am. 

Are my goals the same?

Of course - SUCCESS

Writing. Screen writing. Sharing my story to those who need my assistance. I could never forget my most acute accomplishment - Operation Defrost. Imagine, Nation Wide. Samara Ward, Project Manager of the most life-changing campaign for victims of Ice use (or other illicit) 

Ugh, Sitting in my, now clean, front seat listening to “All My Friends”, brings me back to another time. Oh this sensation of presently being returned to Canberra. My dearest, most sincere friends.

The bliss smell of waking up and attempting to make a change. I can’t start to express my inner inspiration at the intense conversations. Connecting with humans with an intellectual capability to be PEOPLE. 

No one on the Gold Coast in my circle of friends gives me the opportunity to inspire them too. Show them what a real conversation is. How to truly become happy and understanding.

My arms souring out the window which is held bound into the door. The sound of lyrical magic thumping through the speakers. This is the feeling of freedom.

Though at the end of the night it results in me being all alone. The urge to have my own bed, my own house, my own.. self?

Bloggers, I am struggling with finding out what I want more in life. Success or Happiness? 

I know. Both, Obviously!?

But, am I willing to sacrifice my happiness now if it means I will be successful?

My sister won’t even look at me. She won’t talk to me and she certainly doesn’t understand my actions. How do I know if she’s happy?

“Something is about to change.

Then there will be change again”

Should I be worried of this? 

My life is a constant change. Never stayed in one place for longer than 3 years and never been in the presence of the same people.

I have a barrier of strength that I confront people with. Don’t get me wrong - I have achieved more than I ever believed I could. How strong can one seventeen year old girl be with no one to express themselves to, a constant failure to maintain relationships and the ability to say the wrong things to just about everyone?

Tomorrow I am moving in with my brother at Surfers Paradise. The first house mate that I can truly be relaxed around. Hm, soon to be gone - brother. I don’t like the sounds of that.

Anyway bloggers,

I am utterly confused as to what emotion I am. So many questions being asked and little response. Happiness.Success.Relationships.Home.

The 4 essentials of living. Without 1 of the above, you can’t have any of the others

So which one is it?