Are you the devil in disguise?

Oh no, What a dilemma I have for myself.

I am intwined with a withered rose, or a rose between the thorns. Still deciding which one it is.

My heart aches.

I can literally feel the overwhelming sensation of fear flood my body.

You're probably wondering, "what the hell is this crazy woman on?!".

I met someone. Plagued from the inside out with absolutely everything I despise in a person. Also filled from the inside out with emotions I am so familiar with. Lack of self worth, fear, the urge to just blame myself or end it all.

When I was younger and reckless. When Tourettes had complete control over my brain cells and body movements - I often thought about hurting people. Hurting myself and other objects. While I would stand there in a second, or for a moment, my mind would run into the future. I foresaw the danger and potential life change that I could have almost anchored for myself.

I had consumed myself in utter pain. I wanted to see this world burn beneath my feet and with every angry, despiteful, word, I saw what damage I could have made and found a way to stop it. As I knew once I was in the demonic loop of life, I was never going to leave.

For those of you who don't understand the deepest thoughts I am referring to, I mean death, danger, theft and violence. Ending up behind metal bars and licking pussy for the rest of my life. So vulgar - I'm sorry.

Sometimes I would zone out, practically disappear from this world in my own thoughts. My body telling me to do something so inappropriate, so evil and cynical, and my mind talking back to me. Nothing would escape my mouth. Something but the urge to reach fresh air from battling myself between right and wrong.

I seem normal on the outside. Strange, insecure but together. I have never truly tried to explain to someone what goes on in my head, or what used to.

Once I had a decision to make and I found the answers, I was never turning back. If I looked up, I was staying looking in that direction.

Once my mood was high out of happiness or anger, there was nothing to bring me back down. It was either abusive or absolutely, terrifyingly, scary as to how hyperactive one child could be.

Even today I question my sanity.

It saddens me to think that one day I may see something on Facebook which reflects that idea that a friend could be behind bars.

Those kind of events only happen when you surround yourself with evil, with horrific people..

I would never belittle myself to those who wish to intentionally continue to ruin their lives.

It seems I have come to a conclusion, one you may or may not like. I feel guilty for someone I recently came across. A soul so damaged, he too can't seem to find a way out of his demons acidic loop.

Charge after charge, jail time after jail time and good bye after good bye.

The 3 things I fear most in this universe.

Bloggers, I met a demon with a kind heart.

A heart of gold for those who deserve it. It baffles me how cruel parents can be to their children. What kind of parents adopt drug addiction while raising a child! Yes, my mother ticks that one!

It truly makes me wonder what kind of people we all are. Should I give the satanic version of me a chance? Or is even that opportunity a glimpse into ruining my future?

Am I completely out of line by pointing fingers and blaming someone else for deciding my actions?

How can I be so cruel of someone who has done nothing but be sweet and empowering.

There is the divide in this world. The people that stay in trouble, the people who get out of it, those who were never in it and the ones who have power over everyone.

Am I the one to get out of it, or was I ever in it? Look into the big picture and you'll see.

Those who are hurt, hurt others. Those who haven't been hurt, only see the evil in ones actions.

Me, on the other hand - I see it all. I empathise, I feel the pain, sadness and desperation for change.

Bloggers, I think it's okay to be weak for someone who is everything you can't admire in this world. As long as you don't let them be the toxins. Don't let your innocence, or your politeness even get the better of you. Stay on top of the world, and if you don't think you can than don't climb backwards out of curiosity.

Hmm, maybe I should hold off a little while longer. We all know what I'm like when it comes to curiosity and temptation - especially when it's evil