Sacrifices & Consequences

 This blog is for all of the souls that had to make a sacrifice. Whether that be in order to save yourself and most of the times to protect the ones you love most. 

Like I have said before, sometimes saying "goodbye" and walking away from a situation that broke you heart may be the biggest blessing in disguise.

 Sometimes you have to leave the ones you love deeply, a love more powerful than that of an atomic bomb if it means putting your children first.

Maybe you sacrificed a university degree you told yourself you would never fail in order to maybe or maybe not make it in a career that you can only wish would take you further in life. 

Sometimes you may have to hurt others if it means you now have an opportunity to feel safe and secure without living a constant life of pain and trauma.

With sacrifice comes consequence. Some great and some that you have to live with forever.

Sometimes we leave our family, the place we call "home" in order to prevent the ones you love from seeing the beautiful life you once had, in order to prevent them from seeing the depression that deteriorated them from the inside out. Ensuring those closest to you never have to see the darkest parts of this world... a body remembered as rich and fruitful into the depressive, isolated madness you had felt inside but did not want anyone to truly know. A silent passing is a sacrifice to misguide others from the true story.

Some times we love so deeply, afraid that no one else like them could reciprocate the same emotions so we sacrifice our own morals and beliefs in the hope - the desire that one day they will change when in reality, they never do.

A woman brought into a world of trauma, never being touched or held closely by her parents passing the same routine onto her children as they grow into the struggling lives they were forced to enter.

The truth is, we all have a story. All so unique, filled with happiness, sadness with all one thing in common: our foundations. 

Not only our foundations, but the ones of our parents and friends. 

We are all a consequence of the sacrifices the ones before us have made.

Life truly is a never ending journey. Again, always collateral damage to someone else's mistakes. Then again, their mistakes might of been those blessings in disguise that the people involved had to suffer from too but will never know the full story.

Can we really blame someone for hurting us when we have such little knowledge on the sacrifices they have made behind closed doors for us all?

As of late, I am understanding clearer than ever that my mother had made countless, infinite sacrifices for myself and for my family that I don't think I will ever know of and sometimes I think I don't want to.

It's true when they say we don't always need to know the full story. Sometimes the full story is too much to grasp. In the end, all that matters is that we come to a place called home, and love becomes the conquerer of any sacrifice.. no matter what short or long term consequences come into play.

Can we judge a woman's story for what she has done if we don't fully comprehend the 'why'?.

Letting Araura go was a sacrifice I chose to make on my own. Although it tares my heart like ripping a piece of paper into two, I understand the consequences of me going through with it.

Although some days it makes me feel less of a human, more so less of a woman, I stick by the sacrifice as the consequences of her being alive today would be far worse.

How many people I thought that left and never looked back like I were nothing but an inconvenience to their lives, I now see is another blessing that I was blinded from for so long.

How many bullets shot directly to my skull or the knives stabbed into my back that I somehow dodged over and over again like ferris wheel. 

Going through life we will always have to face such pain.

We questions why we feel so alone when we once had all that we have needed, wanted and loved.

Questioning where everything went so fucking wrong but one day, looking back at all the small and large experiences and battles we have had to face, we will find clarity and a vision to see the bigger picture once and for all.

I had to sacrifice many times saying the final "goodbye" to ones I never wanted to leave to prevent a life long disappointment that I fought so hard to improve on. 

Temporarily giving my baby girl away so she could have a life that I could not provide even when I promised to God, the ones that had passed leaving this earth, but more importantly her, I still let he down. I once again couldn't be the carer I thought I would never fail at.

When we feel disappointed in ourselves we relapse into the vices we promised we wouldn't return to.

But, it is only us that has to decide what is not only best for us, but the ones we love most.

To give them a life, even temporarily, that we simply cannot provide. 

Even if you don't see the positive changes right now from the sacrifices you have had to make, that doesn't mean you won't. Just not right now.

Sometimes the decisions we have made to help ourselves emotionally and physically stronger takes a while before the reward is clear. 

It's like looking through binoculars the wrong way around and what is so close seems nothing but miles away but once you rotate the lenses, everything; your goals, your plans and your happiness is closer than you can imagine. Just a reach away.

For anyone feeling slagged off or unrecognised for what you have through and how that has taught you to respond and react in certain situations, know that I understand.

It will always be something we work on in life.

Whether that be in a work place, with your family and friends, partners or whatever leap of faith that you have made in any aspect of your life that may or may not of hurt others in the process.

One day they will understand, just like I - Even though there are many times I have had to remind myself of this and I too struggle to see what sacrifices made positive changes or maybe even made everything feel a thousand times worse. 

As long as you have a goal and a genuine intention to make a sacrifice that will only bring joy and benefits to yourself and the ones you support, the reward will be more powerful than any heartache, any abandonment feelings that makes your stomach churn. That make you question if you are a good person even if others tell you otherwise, you will have clarity in the end. 

It's a cynical world we live in but again, we all have a story to share and many times without an explanation. Some too hard to share, some on a need to know basis. 

Whether we notice it or not these sacrifices happen every day and with everyone. Some share and some suffer with these affects in silence.

Smiling all around with a secret we feel we can never share.

Some sacrifice their bodies, their intelligence and other events in order to protect something greater than us all.

I know first hand how hard it is to be told that someone has made multiple sacrifices for us and the anger that festers within because we simply don't understand. 

"why is it so hard for you to tell me truth?"

Like I said, I too ask this question every day of my life.

Why can't everyone be an open book?

Maybe people that should be there for you aren't because they know they're not good for you.

My response, being me, is anger, rage.

I need to know EVERYTHING and why.

That's where it comes back to their sacrifice of letting us go in order to save us. Even if we suffer in the mean time which is when acceptance of the bigger picture should be remembered.

We all have our own battles, struggles, doubts and loss.

It's up to us to choose to accept this and find ways to move on or else the anger, the traumatic memories will haunt our dreams and make our waking lives a living hell.

We all deserve the best of everything: health, family, love, friends and home.

If you can realise that everyone is on their own path, the rest is easy.

We can't change other people even the ones that left and hurt us, but we can change ourselves. To love what is, to grow into what will be and become the men and women that make us stronger.

We all have the strength and ability to overcome anyone and any obstacle, no matter who caused it and no matter how hard it is to come to terms with.

Bloggers,

To those who made these sacrifices and to those that are the consequences of someone else's, you are more important and remember to always put yourself first but consider the feelings of those around you.

May god bless you all. Or whoever it is that you believe in when it comes to times of need.

You can always reach out to me and I promise to always be there for you.