Chapter 12: Visionary

 Cooking a homemade meal with my new kitchen supplies, drink in hand after a long day at work, something shifted.

It felt right, as if I was in the right place at the right time.

I guess you could say it really feels like I'm home for the first time since arriving.

Package after package, gifting myself to keep my sanity in tact. 

Today I built my new shelves for my Seasons by Samara supplies. Finally building on my life again; brick by brick.

I started with an office desk, followed by a chair and now I have constructed a sanctuary I am proud to welcome people into with open arms.

Although at times I have questioned the reason for this difficult time, it's as if I am looking from a birds-eye view with the ability to see the entire picture.

On Friday I am given the chance to prove myself once again to receive another position in my company. Everything is slowly but surely falling into place, piece by piece.

The dungeon we call lock down finally has an end date for those that are vaccinated which I will be by the time that day comes around.

Sparks are flying and I can finally appreciate the journey that has been and the one that is about to begin.

So many times I nearly packed my bags and wanted to give up before my adventure had even begun here. 

So many days passed by and the thought of hope had vanished into oblivion.

All I wanted was to be with my friends, family, and loved ones and the number of times I nearly fell into old vices to try and make me forget how low and alone I was feeling.

It's like being in the middle of the ocean on a surfboard and looking around to find no one is there.

Constantly swarmed by sharks and the presence of nobody else.

For a while, my dreams were taunting me. Playing games in my waking life.

I was so alone that I nearly forgave the worst kinds of people just to feel wanted, something, anything.

Time and time again the demons I left in my past have tried to return and I have once again set fire to them in order to set myself free. 

I am so proud of myself (Yes, I am smiling not crying).

For once, I truly feel like I'm doing it. I'm making the moves I had wanted to and as I always said, my hard work is finally paying off after falling time and time again.

I can't wait to make my family proud too; the one that exists and the one I am to have.

Life is a whirlpool. 

You are sucked in and spun around over and over again. 

Seeing your passions and dreams become a reality has a feeling of its own.

When you've felt so out of place, like a puzzle in the wrong position for as long as I have, feeling like you're home again is so powerful.

I'm not sure whether to open the flood gates and cry from cheerfulness or laugh at myself for the times I nearly threw in the towel. 

Bloggers,

I am not there yet but once again I am seeing clearly. As if I am wearing my glasses for the first time in months. I remember why I put myself through this and the rewards have begun. 

Once again, Samara Ward went from nothing to something all on her own. 

You don't need anyone, even when you're weak and that is all you want. Someone to talk to to give advice or just to listen, someone to touch, to love..

These temptations can peak at times but always remember that you are brave and the greatest novels aren't 1 or even 5 chapters long. 

Everything might be confusing or hard now but wait for your time to come and the next chapter of your life will begin. 

You can't skim read or skip the best novels. Hold onto each word, each experience so you can truly appreciate the ending. 

Your time will come even if you fail to see it now.

Goodnight x