Raided My Relationship

 Finding some old memories hidden away, I reflect on the morning my family home was raided.

I remember laying in my bed, the exact layout of my room still embedded in my brain. 

Knocks began increasing in strength and as my eyes lift I am cloaked in darkness.

"Samara, the police are here", my little sister said softly. 

Wearing my boyfriend's shirt who was fast asleep beside me I stumble my way to the door and open it only slightly. As I open it, I was looking below me to expect my sister when I see two men in uniform asking me to exit the room immediately.

"One moment, let me get dressed", I said while telling my boyfriend to wake up. 

The police advised me that I can't get properly dressed so I grabbed the first thing I saw - my school skirt.

With 1 and a half hours to go before I am supposed to start school, I am escorted, with my boyfriend, to the lounge room. 

It's true in my Heywire story when the first thing that came to mind was, "What has happened to mum?".

With all of the drama, distance, lack of food, and intense fights that grew daily, I knew what was about to happen would change the course of my life forever. 

My boyfriend at the time had insane allergies and hayfever so when the police went through his bag with boxes of medication they emptied it entirely.

Anxious and embarrassed I watched from the couch across the room. 

After a little while, although it had felt like hours, they allowed him to leave and go home while they proceeded to raid the property. 

Never did I know that it would be the last time he and I would be together. 

Following this day, the police had contacted him to see if he knew where my mother and her partner were hiding out. The fear of being involved with a crime he had nothing to do with was enough reason for him to end it with me completely. 

Now not only dealing with the fact that my mother has left and I am living away but my first love has now turned his back on me too.

Anger, frustration, depression.

Your first love is so powerful. You have no idea at this stage what it feels like to be without them or to be left by someone you are intimately close with. 

Talking to him recently taught me a lot about myself. The girl that I was and how innocent my actions were. 

Everything I did was to be with him and it was a simple as that.

Too bad that nothing anymore seems that simple or easy. 

Now having a glimpse of adoration for someone is something I fear, something I only know is bound to end at some point.

My experiences have molded my expectations of people, trust, and relationships.

Isn't it interesting how events and situations change the outcome of everything? How do we move forward and deal with the same situations a second or even third time over?

It felt warming to know that I wasn't always like this and that young girl with all this love and affection inside of her still has so much to give to the right people.

Some things really do never change and that's usually said negatively. Now, I truly believe some things shouldn't because our child selves are so important to hold onto. 

It's like gaming consoles or phones. They take the first product and improve on it as the latest generations come about. 

Like us, we grow and we succeed and of course, we find that we fail at times too.

But, without the foundation, the very first piece of what now is, is and always will be the beginning of a creation that we fondle with, fix and update till it's what we desire, what we love.

Sometimes people leave whether that be from fear, the inability to return their feelings for you and sometimes even death.

As I always say, remember who you are and your life will be yours once again.